Navigating Existential Dread: The Battle Between Resilience and Reliance
Existential dread is a heavy burden to bear. It's that sinking feeling that creeps up when you ponder your place in this vast world and confront the reality of your existence. With existential dread comes a complex web of emotions, but one that often goes unnoticed is resentment. Resentment, not just towards the world for putting you here, but also towards yourself. This resentment stems from the nagging idea that you should be able to do better, and it's often born from hyper-awareness, which, in turn, is rooted in trauma.
Trauma casts a long shadow, and when the world traumatizes you, triggering your own traumatic experiences, it's a perfect storm. You find yourself asking, "I've done something similar before, so why can't I do it again?" The past haunts the present, creating a relentless cycle of self-doubt and insecurity.
Another crossroads in the journey through existential dread is the choice between becoming more competent or relying on others. It's a dilemma many of us face, and one that can be difficult to navigate. A recent client of mine had an enlightening realization: they tend to shrink when it feels like they have to prove that they are someone worth helping.
This shrinking is often fueled by internal insecurities. The stories we tell ourselves, such as "this person will judge me for not knowing" or "they won't meet me where I'm at" or "they'll only see me as someone who is incompetent," become self-fulfilling prophecies. If we give in to these stories and try to prove them wrong, we inadvertently embrace the attack on our self-worth and question a part of our identity.
On the spectrum between safety and dismissal, we encounter people who are safe mirrors of ourselves. They reflect our true identity, and our sense of self remains intact. On the other hand, some individuals are easily dismissed, and their mirrors distort our self-perception. However, there's a middle ground where the mirror is just slightly distorted. In these situations, we often try to convince others that what they see isn't the real us, rather than delving into why our reflection has been misinterpreted. Perhaps it's time we focus on self-interpretation instead of seeking validation from external sources.
Avoidance and hypervigilance are two opposing approaches to dealing with existential dread. Avoidance tells us that we cannot ask for help; we have to do it ourselves and become increasingly competent. This path, however, can be harmful in the long run. Hypervigilance, on the other hand, warns that the outcome in the world is not safe, and we should refrain from seeking help. Both avoidance and hypervigilance lead to the same result: the car never goes in for an oil change.
Existential dread is a challenging, complex journey. It's about reconciling past traumas, managing internal insecurities, and striking a balance between self-reliance and seeking help. It's also about realizing that external judgments and distortions in our self-perception don't define us. It's time we take a step back, confront the dread, and focus on interpreting our own reflection instead of constantly seeking validation from others. Only then can we find our way out of the existential maze and discover the path to a more resilient and authentic self.
